Reliving the relief of de-Woganisation

The promise of a live rendition of Believe in Me led me to the podcast of Weekend Wogan yesterday.  Boy did it bring back bad memories.

Leaving aside the moments of mumbling and fading away into nothing on the part of the host (which in itself reminded me of some of the commentary from his latter Eurovisions), it was depressing to hear churned out once again Sir Terry's tired remarks about our beloved Contest.

I don't know when the erroneously styled 'Mr Eurovision' first started saying that the 'rest of Europe' takes Eurovision 'seriously', but here he was again saying the same thing decades later.  Really?  The rest of Europe takes it seriously while the UK doesn't?

Where to begin?  Maybe those oh-so-serious entries from Ireland, Estonia and Spain in 2008.  Or the seriousness with which Poland, Italy, Andorra, Monaco and many more have flitted in and out of the Contest  over the years.  Even this year's hosts aren't taking it 'seriously':  witness the appearance of Sarah Dawn Finer's alter-ego Lynda Woodruff at both Melodifestivalen and Eurovision last year and, in an even bigger role, in Malmö itself.

Meanwhile, the UK's non-serious approach has included us entering the competition every single year since 1959 (I think only Germany beats that), clearing the schedules of BBC3 for both semi-finals even though we're only obliged to watch the one we're voting in, and getting creative talents such as Bonnie Tyler and Andrew Lloyd Webber involved.

I don't know if it was ever true that the rest of Europe in general takes the Contest 'seriously'.  Even in 1957 the Germans had a song involving singing into a telephone.  The truth really is that the UK is no different to any other participating country:  the level of enthusiasm fluctuates from year to year.  Maybe it's also the case that all other countries also think the 'rest of Europe' both 'takes the Contest seriously' and has some kind of conspiracy against them.

The second old classic that Sir Terry wheeled out was the one about the countries 'east of the Danube' all voting for each other and by extension not for the UK.  Because of course that is the choice:  either vote for the former USSR and its satellites, or for the UK.  Never mind the third option:  vote for one of the other countries that have won Eurovision in recent years such as Germany, Sweden, Greece, Finland and Norway.    I don't have the stats but the runaway victory of Sweden last year, along with the abject failure of the UK, cannot be put down to Ukraine and Russia voting for each other.

What frustrates me most as a fan is that Sir Terry must know all of this, but prefers even after all these years to trot out the same clichés.  Poor old Bonnie didn't seem to know how to react.

Denmark. Really?

So Only Teardrops is still leading the betting, with Emmelie De Forest being awarded her gold disc in recent days and fans and predictions abounding that this is another Euphoria or Fairytale, such is the hype around Denmark's entry for Malmö,

Really?

Seems to me this song is the kind of portentous-sounding track with seemingly meaningful but actually meaningless lyrics that Eurovision fans get very excited about but that televoters and juries on the night don't go quite so crazy for.

Back in 1998, Finland were supposedly going to have their breakthrough year with Aava.  It was so ethereal and dreamy, a departure for one of Eurovision's least successful nations, and completely different from everything else on show that year.  What floaty costumes and unusual traditional instruments.  A triumph for the Finns at last!  Result:  15th place with 22 points.

In Stockholm, fans inclined towards these kinds of songs were all over Cyprus.  Nomiza was all so dramatic.    Flags flying and multi-layered costumes overloaded with white and silver silk (or polyester?).  All that drumming, and it was in Greek (and Italian), and all seemed very meaningful despite most people not having a clue what it was about.  Surely a surefire win!  Result:  21st place with 8 points.

And just last year, what about Iceland?  'She mourns beneath a moonlit sky.'  So deep and meaningful.  Jónsi looking very moody.  Rigid pacing around the stage.  And of course a violin bit. This was the one to take it home to Reykjavik.  A true 'fan favourite'.  Result:  20th place with 46 points.

And so to this year.  Lovely Emmelie.  Barefoot.  Doing that funny arm gesture.  Lyrics that all sound very deep but ultimately defy interpretation.  Boys in military-style outfits playing drums and tin whistles.

The comparisons with Loreen don't work when you actually listen to the song.  If recent patterns are to continue - standard, commercial-sounding pop taking the trophy - then for my money it's more likely for Sweden to do the double than for Denmark to win with this.

Anyone with me?